have you ever looked back into your life and realized "......how did i not see how good i had it?" because seriously, i'm doing that a lot right now. i mean, i always manage to mess up some of the best things in my life because...i either couldn't commit, or i over-committed too quickly. both are equally bad because ______________________________________________________. and now i think i'm committing too quickly again, feeling a little awkward, and reminiscing about how things were back in grade nine, ten, eleven, twelve, and the summer before first year. i had things awesome then - a great school, great friends, ______________, great softball team...and now, i'm in a good school, with great friends, __________________, and looking forward to a new great softball team. so...why am i feeling so retrospective suddenly? i'm constantly remembering/seeing things the way they were and killing myself over the way things could be.

oh well. there's nothing to be done about the past except learn from it.

right now i'm feeling like my life is a movie, and it's that point where the guy realizes how badly he screwed up...gets in his car...it doesn't start, so he gets out and starts running. he just runs and runs and runs and dodges traffic and jumps through hoops just to get to where he needs to be. and when he gets there, the car is already pulling out of the driveway and he bangs on the windows and waves his arms wildly. the car stops and he's just standing there. time seems to stop because he needs to express everything he needs to express in the next two or three sentences...or the chance is gone forever and isn't coming back.

i don't know what i'm supposed to say.

yeah, it's a random feeling, but that's what came out.